Memories

Poly life have been great except for the fact that my class is not bonded at all. Lucky for me i have my guitar friends and they are all fun to be with. Well I think its alright to not have lots of friends but few great ones. Busy with FYP now and I am really scared and worried about it. I find myself getting lazy at everything and i really need some motivation. Can't really blame my lecturer for not answering my emails and I really do need to put more effort in the research part of the FYP. Although sometimes I don't really feel like a leader at all, I am still glad I have a very reliable teammate. As for my second teammate, i really wish he would start to be more proactive and focused. Apart from my FYP, I am actually really scared of everything right now. I am scared of how quickly my polytechnic life is gonna end, how I am gonna miss my lab sessions and lunch times with my friends. I will really miss those times I spent in the clubroom, those supper, those friends that share the same interest. I am scared that after poly, I am gonna begin my life as a soldier and I am afraid how I may lose contact with everyone, how those ties we had start to loosen. I don't really care what position I am in what unit what division. I really wish that in my army days, I can still keep in touch with those I love. I am scared that when I graduate, I may actually finally be moving out and be independant. Its scary to think that you are in a stranger's house and there dont seem to be any place safe to store your things. I really wish that eventually I can rent a really small apartment and furnish it into a small but cosy place I can call home. I am scared that when I start to work after my army days, I would be left out while others are studying in Universities. It sounded so convincing when I told my parents how my company I work in can fund my studies. It is actually very difficult to just that and I am already scared that I will be employed into companies that doesn't allow me to grow. Of all the things I am afraid of, I am scared of being unable to fulfill my dream: Having a family Honestly I don't really have many things that I truly wanna do. I don't really wanna be super rich. I don't really wanna be famous. I don't really wanna contribute to the world like how the scientists did. What I really wanna do is to meet someone who truly understands me, accept me, and love me with all her heart. Then, my dream would be to make her happy , have a family with her and make a difference to her world. I have met many girls but none would accept me as someone who can make a difference to her world. There are so many things I want to do as a couple, but no one actually wants me to do just that. I guess eventually I will have to do everything alone and be alone all my life. I haven't grown from being a coward too. Scared of how things can turn out if I make a decision and hence choose to escape from it. Like how I really like her but eventually she is with another guy. I really do lack the courage. I sincerely hope that the next time I blog, my post would be full of great, fantastic news;something with more life to it. Till next time